Detect True Love

What is most important to a couple? What is a smart approach to dating? How to overcome infatuation? How to identify the traits that matter to you in the long run?

Love is a behavior

"Love is a behavior," as Dr. Avrum Weiss, a psychotherapist pointed out. "If love is a feeling, then it's hard to know when love is real because you have no way to know how someone is feeling. You can only infer how someone is feeling by how they act. Why not be more direct and just use the word love to refer to the behavior itself." "Watching your partner's behavior helps you see the relationship more clearly..." "...you'll be fooled less often."

Yes, actions speak louder than words.

A smart approach to dating

Applying "behavioral observation" in our love life can save us from much misery and confusion.

However, there is always this dilemma that we all try to impress and be "socially appropriate" in the beginning. When we eventually loosen up to our natural state, a lot of time has passed before we realize that we are not a good fit.

To conquer this, a smart way to date is to create opportunities for observing someone in a natural environment. It's called Naturalistic Observation in psychology and social science research. It is to study the spontaneous behavior of participants in natural surroundings.

In the context of dating, while dinners and movies are popular date nights for a couple, joining group activities, contests, and social events can be more revealing of our natural reactions due to the multi-interactive nature of such ventures.

In a group setting, we are less stressful to impress. We can easily be a third-party observer. If we participate in an activity, such as a game or a contest, or even pull a meal together, where we can shift our focus to the tasks, that brings out our inner behaviors more comfortably. See this article about the benefits of group dates.

When we loosen up, we can sit back and feel what actions touch our heart. That helps with a deeper understanding of self and the others.

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